good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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