There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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