my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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