Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
youre lurking in front of me
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
