About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Floor bacon is actually really good
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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