Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
