He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Someone shattered a urinal.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
