he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
