he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
