No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
