Duck Duck Cougar?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
