I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
dude i'm inner monologue high
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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