so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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