i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
