Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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