Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
this is an emotional support booty call
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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