I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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