Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
