My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
