just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
whose parrot is this?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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