How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
