...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
