Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
