i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
