Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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