I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
