Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
