Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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