if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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