I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
