I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
