You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
