I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize