Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
