So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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