If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
