Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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