Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
