I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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