oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
