Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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