Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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