census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's rum buckets o'clock
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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