it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
