I cockslap morals
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
