Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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