dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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