It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
