Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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