I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
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