How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
