can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
