Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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