your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
