She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
