it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I will be naked everywhere
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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