Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
