she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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