just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Randomize
