I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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