You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
