Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
