Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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