your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize