we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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