i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She announced her abortion via fbk
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
