As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
