Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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