she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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