omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
