cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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