Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
