I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
