I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
