omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
