I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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