go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
