i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I didn't notice because vodka
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize