I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
