Swine flu. Run for my life!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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