'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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