is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize