Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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