So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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