he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
