Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
